Beans & Water
By Youssef
Your Coffee Is Stale Before You Even Brew ItJan 30, 2025Decaf Is a Dirty HackJan 28, 2025How Altitude Shapes Your Morning BrewJan 28, 2025Even If I Lost Everything, I’d Still Have CoffeeJan 27, 2025The Cup I Didn't FinishJan 27, 2025The Barista Who Never Drinks CoffeeJan 24, 2025Instant Coffee is Good, ActuallyJan 23, 2025The Morning My Coffee Taught Me PatienceJan 23, 2025Your Beans Deserve a Better CrushJan 22, 2025The Water ProblemJan 14, 2025
4 of 5

The Incident

Jul 26, 2025

I was half-awake, saw a 1 kg bag of “Guji” for a steal, and hit Buy Now. Two days later: pale green pebbles that smell like hay. Right. Green coffee. Unroasted. The beans before the beans.

I did the obvious thing: shook them in a skillet like popcorn while my smoke alarm auditioned for a lead role. The result tasted like campfire cereal. My apartment now has terroir.

So I spent the next hour convincing myself that a sample roaster is cheaper than therapy. By the time the smoke cleared, I had three tabs open, one cart full, and a new identity.

This newsletter is not a rational space.

While the smoke cleared, I clicked on…

  • I promised myself “no more poppers,” then read these seasoned tips and immediately checked eBay.

  • Or go feral and roll a Third Wave Water clone from epsom + bicarb. Chaos, but popular..

  • Lance being methodical about light roasts; lots of actionable Lance stuff even if you don’t touch espresso.

Roasted.

Y.

Beans & Water

The Incident

Jul 26, 2025

I was half-awake, saw a 1 kg bag of “Guji” for a steal, and hit Buy Now. Two days later: pale green pebbles that smell like hay. Right. Green coffee. Unroasted. The beans before the beans.

I did the obvious thing: shook them in a skillet like popcorn while my smoke alarm auditioned for a lead role. The result tasted like campfire cereal. My apartment now has terroir.

So I spent the next hour convincing myself that a sample roaster is cheaper than therapy. By the time the smoke cleared, I had three tabs open, one cart full, and a new identity.

This newsletter is not a rational space.

While the smoke cleared, I clicked on…

  • I promised myself “no more poppers,” then read these seasoned tips and immediately checked eBay.

  • Or go feral and roll a Third Wave Water clone from epsom + bicarb. Chaos, but popular..

  • Lance being methodical about light roasts; lots of actionable Lance stuff even if you don’t touch espresso.

Roasted.

Y.